Kansas City therapists offer ways to help weather family tensions during the holidays ” Kansas

When people gather under one roof with family on this holiday, things can quickly shift from the best of times to the worst of times. You’ve seen the comedies. The family reunion goes from great to terrible. But just a few small changes on your part can make all the difference.” Thanksgiving Day soccer game with neighbors in Illinois. We’ve been visiting some families, like our family against them, and my dad is 6ft 4, 280lbs, and my dad attacked a man who was probably 70 years old,” therapist Michael Shahan said. Shahan shared one of those unreal moments from the family reunion. Spills happen, crazy things are said, feelings can be hurt. “Accepting things as they are and knowing what you can and cannot control. You can’t make your parents any different. You can’t make your siblings any different,” Shahan said. He said to control you. Your thoughts create real feelings, so breathe. “If you exhale twice as long, it actually spits out more calming hormones, which is a cool simple trick,” he said. Two seconds in, then four seconds out. “Maybe you apologize, maybe go to another room and take a deep breath, maybe go for a walk,” therapist Valerie Hamaker said. Hamaker from the Latter Day Struggles podcast said everyone’s emotional intelligence is different. Instead of being critical, be curious. “You don’t have to go in and kind of change people, fix people, convince people that you can leave people the way they are,” Hamaker said. If you must, set boundaries for how you spend time and with whom, and then ask questions to explore their world. “I think it’s really so relational to be curious,” Hamaker said. She said that relationships bring you the most joy and growth to therapists. They say everyone fights with family and that’s normal. If you need help, they tell you to go to someone.

When people gather under one roof with family on this holiday, things can quickly shift from the best of times to the worst of times.

You’ve seen the comedies. The family reunion goes from great to terrible. But just a few small changes on your part can make all the difference.

“Thanksgiving, football game with the Illinois neighbors. We were visiting a family, like our family against them, and my father is 6’1″ and weighs 280 pounds, and my father assaulted a man who was probably 70 years old,” therapist Michael Shahan said.

Shahan shared one of those unreal moments from the family reunion. Spills happen, crazy things are said, feelings can be hurt.

“Accepting things as they are and knowing what you can and cannot control. You can’t make your parents any different. You can’t make your siblings any different,” Shahan said.

He said to control you. Your thoughts create real feelings, so breathe.

“If you exhale twice as long, it actually spits out more calming hormones, which is a cool simple trick,” he said.

Two seconds in, then four seconds out.

“Maybe you apologize, maybe you’ll go to another room and take a deep breath, maybe you’ll take a walk,” therapist Valerie Hamaker said.

Hamaker from the Latter Day Struggles podcast said everyone’s emotional intelligence is different. Instead of being critical, be curious.

“You don’t have to go in there and kind of change people, fix people, convince people that you can leave people the way they are,” Hamaker said.

If needed, set limits on how much time you spend and with whom, then ask questions to explore their world.

“I think it’s really so relational to be curious,” Hamaker said.

She said that relationships bring you the most joy and growth.

Vacation coaching is common for therapists. They say everyone fights with family and that’s normal. If you need help, they tell you to go to someone.

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